So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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