I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is Oprah even human
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
