so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
