Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
