he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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