i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
