do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
