Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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