just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
