Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
