never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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