I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize