idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize