I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
