Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
