mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
