Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
