I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
