their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
