I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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