My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
