I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize