She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize