your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
