Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
