It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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