I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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