trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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