Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
