So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
