im having a threesome with these popsicles
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
