Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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