I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
