Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
