I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
