There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
