is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
