Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
