I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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