What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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