I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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