when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize