were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
