Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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