you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize