After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
