My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
