im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
