your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think people are normalizing furries
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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