I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
