sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
