Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
