I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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