Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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