Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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