Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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