yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
