Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
