3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wannas sexs uuuuu
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Never joke about your clitoris.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
