You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
