There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am spending my child support on dildos
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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