I hate all girls vehemently.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
