I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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