went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
