Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
