Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
