No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
