if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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