Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
