I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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