I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
