Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
