we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
