if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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