You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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