I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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