Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
