11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
