I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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