shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
