I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
