Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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