I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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