Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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