so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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