new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I will pee on everything he values.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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