i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it's like iHOP with fire
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize