In the future we'll all be gay
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
