Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize