can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
